Lame emo post because whatever.
I miss family. I miss being able to see them whenever I wanted. Getting stuck abroad & going years without having a look at my loved ones was not how I pictured it back then. In my mind's eye there was satisfaction everywhere -contentment & happiness. Not this sick frustration that makes you wanna throw up every time you think about what's gonna happen next.
Our inside jokes, the long breaks, snuggling into comfy blankets in front of the heater eating peanuts, Scrabble games when I messed up the board cause I was waaay behind everyone else, furiously intense Ludo games, annoying everyone with constant cartoon network all day, word building, ghar ghar complete with a full kitchen set, scary stories, late-night trips....
right now, I don't care how depressed sad sorry weak whatever I sound like.
let it all out.
I miss friends. being out of touch sucks. it gives rise to stupid misunderstandings. i miss old times with them. when none of this auntys wala gossip shit was involved. why didnt i just take the right step in the beginning? kia bakwas hai. dosti is precious. i dont want to lose it with any of them. although i was being all pfft-not-gonna-miss-anyone-glad-this-is-over when exams ended, i miss each and everyone like freaking hell. laugh so often at the memories that my family thinks i am retarded. constantly kick myself inwardly at my unjustified rash behaviour.
regrets. everywhere.
stupid regrets. clog up my brain. cannot think enough of the golden times i did get to spend with both family and friends.
All-time-low? no. i think it's yet to come.
life chockful of useless bullshit. negative thoughts swirling through surroundings all the time. need detox. need OUT....
i hate this font with all my being.
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Monday, 16 January 2012
Menu wi asmani fitrat de?
i can be such a dummy sometimes. flare up within seconds and blurt out whatever is going through my mind at that moment, yep that's what i do. and i tend to be attacked by an immense amount of guilt later - why couldn't i have shut up, shit shit shit. sometimes when i look back i want to punch myself inwardly at the apparent stupidity of my actions. but then i console myself and go like, everything happens for the best, and they got what they deserved. they = two-timer rats, btw. (that's an upcoming post :D) wish i could keep my temper under control. BUT OMG WHO CAN RESIST LASHING OUT ON TWO-TIMER RATS, AND THAT TOO ON PROVOCATION EH?
i have a test to prepare and believe me i cannot bring myself to study; lamest excuse ever, but whatever. that rhymes :o. i'm going to enter this in my english journal for school. after amendments duh. i have lots of studying to do in the near future (and the present, like now i should be studying like there's no tomorrow) which means YAAY MORE BLOGGING :D i make no sense i know yar.
i like the title. it sums up what im feeling right now.
punjabi for the win win win win win win (FTWWWWWW).
i have a test to prepare and believe me i cannot bring myself to study; lamest excuse ever, but whatever. that rhymes :o. i'm going to enter this in my english journal for school. after amendments duh. i have lots of studying to do in the near future (and the present, like now i should be studying like there's no tomorrow) which means YAAY MORE BLOGGING :D i make no sense i know yar.
i like the title. it sums up what im feeling right now.
punjabi for the win win win win win win (FTWWWWWW).
Saturday, 5 March 2011
Internet friends are better than real life friends.
^That goes specially for Furree Katt. She's one awesome blogger, and even awesome-r commenter. I love you Furr-E :)
Okay so this one is going to be the sort of post where nothing much makes sense and consists of a series of random, completely-unrelated-to-each-other points.
I've resolved to be less whiny from now and appreciate the little things in life. Not sure how long I can keep the resolution for though.
I carefully went through all my previous blog posts. AND BOY DID I FEEL ASHAMED! The embarrassing typos and the weird posts and the immature writing style. UFF. *hides face under layers of blankets*
I'm in love with What's My Name by Rihanna. [You're so amazing, you took the time to figure me out . <3]
I'm sick of my plastered foot. It's getting itchy. I want to move it around. I want to walk. I want to run. I want to play football :( Trust me, never before did the prospect of merely standing on bare feet appeal so much to me. No more taking things for granted from now on. Tauba tauba.
I need shawarma. Al-Safeer has the best shawarmas in the whole wide world. I need one from there right now. With that yummy garlic sauce. The mere thought of that is mouth-watering... and fat-gaining -_-
I LOVE CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW OMG OMG OMG I LOVE HIM HE SAYS THE BEST LINES. I can't wait for May 20. POTC 4 releases that day :D
I hate how I'm cut off from school. I'm missing out on all the fun.
I have a feeling this whole 2012 thing has some truth in it. Something is going to happen next year. Something apocalypse like. I have a bad bad feeling about it. -Shivers-
Enough of the randomness. Imma go watch HP 7 again. Tata.
Okay so this one is going to be the sort of post where nothing much makes sense and consists of a series of random, completely-unrelated-to-each-other points.
I've resolved to be less whiny from now and appreciate the little things in life. Not sure how long I can keep the resolution for though.
I carefully went through all my previous blog posts. AND BOY DID I FEEL ASHAMED! The embarrassing typos and the weird posts and the immature writing style. UFF. *hides face under layers of blankets*
I'm in love with What's My Name by Rihanna. [You're so amazing, you took the time to figure me out . <3]
I'm sick of my plastered foot. It's getting itchy. I want to move it around. I want to walk. I want to run. I want to play football :( Trust me, never before did the prospect of merely standing on bare feet appeal so much to me. No more taking things for granted from now on. Tauba tauba.
I need shawarma. Al-Safeer has the best shawarmas in the whole wide world. I need one from there right now. With that yummy garlic sauce. The mere thought of that is mouth-watering... and fat-gaining -_-
I LOVE CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW OMG OMG OMG I LOVE HIM HE SAYS THE BEST LINES. I can't wait for May 20. POTC 4 releases that day :D
I hate how I'm cut off from school. I'm missing out on all the fun.
I have a feeling this whole 2012 thing has some truth in it. Something is going to happen next year. Something apocalypse like. I have a bad bad feeling about it. -Shivers-
Enough of the randomness. Imma go watch HP 7 again. Tata.
Thursday, 3 March 2011
The not-so-pleasant clash of football & me.
HELLOOO PEOPLE :D
After a long time I really felt like blogging. And what I am going to blog about isn't really good news, so I'm not feeling all smiley smiley right now.
For the past two weeks, inter-house football/basketball matches have been going on at school during break times. Being the quiet, not-so-sporty one, not even for a second did the idea of participating in one of those came in my mind. So at every match, I patiently sat among the spectators cheering my house without a care in the world. But as fate would have it, my house ( the girls only; the boys are terrific - haven't lost one single match) did not fare too well in any of the games. Oh well.
[Note - I'm very touchy about the 25 minutes of blissful, teacher-less time I get in those 6 long hours of school & nothing is more important than those precious 25 minutes.] The matches took place in recess. Normally, recess is spent with the three of us (me & two friends) having lunch, gossiping, completing homework and generally having a good time. But all three of us are in different houses. So that means every recess at least one of us HAD to go away to play/cheer/act as a substitute, which in turn made having a normal break impossible. Naturally, that made me quite cynical of the way the PE department had organized the tournament. -_-
So quite frankly, I didn't really pay a shit about who won or lost when I was sitting among the spectators. I was staring glassy-eyed at the field with a couldn't-care-less expression. I just wanted my break back :(
Okay I'm getting to the point now.
One such day, I decided to give it a shot and play football :D I came dressed in my house colours (a green t-shirt). My reason for playing was quite weird. We were playing against a house which had only one good player, and she was injured. And our poor team, well, let's just say things weren't very good at our end too.
So I thought, there's nothing to lose, if we win - well & good, if we lose, well - it's only a game. But we had a good chance against them.
The referee, who happens to be the English teacher goes berserk at seeing me play. "Oooh, you're playing today!" And rubs his hands in feverish excitement. I choose to ignore, with half a mind to quit the game and go back to my safe place in the stands. But the game has already begun. I'm overcome with a sense a determination. I run after the ball. I take possession. I run toward the goal. I take aim, preparing to shoot.
A tiny girl from the opposing team (Yellow) knocks the football out of my possession -_- The game continues, made entirely of different versions of the above situation, puncutated by shouts of 'OUT!', penalty kicks, fouls and the like. The score stays 0-0.
Okay so another situation arose. Some kinda confusion is going on not far from me between a girl from my team and one from the opposing team. The ref is shouting at the top of his voice "PLAY ON, PLAY ON!"
The goalie is distracted by the quarrel going on there, and THE BALL IS TWO FEET AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! & no one else is these to obstrust the path to the ball.
Without wasting a moment, I shoot. The goalie realises what happened one second too late & tries to resist, but to no avail. I have scored. :) [No one (including me) really registered the goal immediatly cause it had happened so quickly]
So. Green are leading by 1 - 0. But about 15 minutes are left and SO much could change in those. The Yellows were awarded two penalty kicks, and had other chanced too, but couldn't score. I'm close to fainting if I'm deprived of water for much longer. Everyone feels the same, and we play on.
Now for the sad bit.
I aim for another goal, a Yellow tries to take the ball from me, fails, but kicks my foot in the process and falls over. I fall over too. I lose possesssion. I get up & I'm introduced to excruciating pain in my foot. The ref says play on with a smile, clearly he doesn't know how much my foot pains. I'm dazed by the fall & the pain worsens. I play on. Team mates encourage each other and hope for the best.
The game ends. The ref tells me that I'm going to play football always for my class from now on cause he learned a new thing today - that I can actually play pretty good. I strongly disagree, cause it was all luck and chance but I'm too tired to argue.
There's chaos as other matches going on end and everyone tries to find their own class and return to the classsroom. I can't walk because of the pain. I reach class with difficulty, leaning on my friend. I spend 40 minutes (one lesson) sitting, gulping down water, having absolutely no idea of what the teacher is saying cause the pain doesn't end. Next is Arabic, which is far from my favourite subject, so I escape down to the nurse, who scolds me for not coming immediatly.
She inspects my foot, and her face darkens. I brace myself for the bad news, and she says it's a fracture, the bone's sticking out. I die a little inside, cause that would mean no school for God-knows how long. My parents are called and we go to the hospital.
... and it's too depressing for me to talk about what happened next. Fast forward to today.
It's been a whole week that I haven't been to school. I don't know how much longer I'll have to stay home. Either I could wait until it's properly healed or I could go on crutches :D There's another friend of mine (the only good player Yellow had) who was injured during football & she's going to school on crutches. The teachers are scolding her not to come and take proper rest. But she's getting attentionn. Loads of it =P
I have no clue what to do. So while I sort out this dilemma, can I ask y'all to pray I can go fully cured to school as soon as possible? Miracles do happen, y'know :)
After a long time I really felt like blogging. And what I am going to blog about isn't really good news, so I'm not feeling all smiley smiley right now.
For the past two weeks, inter-house football/basketball matches have been going on at school during break times. Being the quiet, not-so-sporty one, not even for a second did the idea of participating in one of those came in my mind. So at every match, I patiently sat among the spectators cheering my house without a care in the world. But as fate would have it, my house ( the girls only; the boys are terrific - haven't lost one single match) did not fare too well in any of the games. Oh well.
[Note - I'm very touchy about the 25 minutes of blissful, teacher-less time I get in those 6 long hours of school & nothing is more important than those precious 25 minutes.] The matches took place in recess. Normally, recess is spent with the three of us (me & two friends) having lunch, gossiping, completing homework and generally having a good time. But all three of us are in different houses. So that means every recess at least one of us HAD to go away to play/cheer/act as a substitute, which in turn made having a normal break impossible. Naturally, that made me quite cynical of the way the PE department had organized the tournament. -_-
So quite frankly, I didn't really pay a shit about who won or lost when I was sitting among the spectators. I was staring glassy-eyed at the field with a couldn't-care-less expression. I just wanted my break back :(
Okay I'm getting to the point now.
One such day, I decided to give it a shot and play football :D I came dressed in my house colours (a green t-shirt). My reason for playing was quite weird. We were playing against a house which had only one good player, and she was injured. And our poor team, well, let's just say things weren't very good at our end too.
So I thought, there's nothing to lose, if we win - well & good, if we lose, well - it's only a game. But we had a good chance against them.
The referee, who happens to be the English teacher goes berserk at seeing me play. "Oooh, you're playing today!" And rubs his hands in feverish excitement. I choose to ignore, with half a mind to quit the game and go back to my safe place in the stands. But the game has already begun. I'm overcome with a sense a determination. I run after the ball. I take possession. I run toward the goal. I take aim, preparing to shoot.
A tiny girl from the opposing team (Yellow) knocks the football out of my possession -_- The game continues, made entirely of different versions of the above situation, puncutated by shouts of 'OUT!', penalty kicks, fouls and the like. The score stays 0-0.
Okay so another situation arose. Some kinda confusion is going on not far from me between a girl from my team and one from the opposing team. The ref is shouting at the top of his voice "PLAY ON, PLAY ON!"
The goalie is distracted by the quarrel going on there, and THE BALL IS TWO FEET AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! & no one else is these to obstrust the path to the ball.
Without wasting a moment, I shoot. The goalie realises what happened one second too late & tries to resist, but to no avail. I have scored. :) [No one (including me) really registered the goal immediatly cause it had happened so quickly]
So. Green are leading by 1 - 0. But about 15 minutes are left and SO much could change in those. The Yellows were awarded two penalty kicks, and had other chanced too, but couldn't score. I'm close to fainting if I'm deprived of water for much longer. Everyone feels the same, and we play on.
Now for the sad bit.
I aim for another goal, a Yellow tries to take the ball from me, fails, but kicks my foot in the process and falls over. I fall over too. I lose possesssion. I get up & I'm introduced to excruciating pain in my foot. The ref says play on with a smile, clearly he doesn't know how much my foot pains. I'm dazed by the fall & the pain worsens. I play on. Team mates encourage each other and hope for the best.
The game ends. The ref tells me that I'm going to play football always for my class from now on cause he learned a new thing today - that I can actually play pretty good. I strongly disagree, cause it was all luck and chance but I'm too tired to argue.
There's chaos as other matches going on end and everyone tries to find their own class and return to the classsroom. I can't walk because of the pain. I reach class with difficulty, leaning on my friend. I spend 40 minutes (one lesson) sitting, gulping down water, having absolutely no idea of what the teacher is saying cause the pain doesn't end. Next is Arabic, which is far from my favourite subject, so I escape down to the nurse, who scolds me for not coming immediatly.
She inspects my foot, and her face darkens. I brace myself for the bad news, and she says it's a fracture, the bone's sticking out. I die a little inside, cause that would mean no school for God-knows how long. My parents are called and we go to the hospital.
... and it's too depressing for me to talk about what happened next. Fast forward to today.
It's been a whole week that I haven't been to school. I don't know how much longer I'll have to stay home. Either I could wait until it's properly healed or I could go on crutches :D There's another friend of mine (the only good player Yellow had) who was injured during football & she's going to school on crutches. The teachers are scolding her not to come and take proper rest. But she's getting attentionn. Loads of it =P
I have no clue what to do. So while I sort out this dilemma, can I ask y'all to pray I can go fully cured to school as soon as possible? Miracles do happen, y'know :)
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
Requesttt
Okay guys, just came to request y'all to remember me in your prayers yeah :) Let's just say I really need 'em badly.
Updates later, hopefully!
Bye, love you all <3
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
ICT exam update!
O hey! I forgot to update on how the horrible ICT exam to which I dedicated two whole posts went! :O
But well that was because of the fact that I had the even horrrible-r Chemistry exam the next day. And after the Chem exam I had sweet wonderful complete freedom for three weeks to come. So I was so caught up in the events that followed that I forgot all about telling you about how my exam went. Haha no I'm not under any delusions that people actually care, but I wanted to do it more for myself than for anyone else =p
Okay enough of the gibberish. I 'll tell you what I did - I screwed up. Worse than I had in yeears. Possibly the worst ever screw-up of my life.
The exam consisted of three sections, Microsoft FrontPage, Excel and PowerPoint. The latter being the easiest, I tackled it first. As I advanced, I found the exam mainly consisted of things I had not ever, ever even heard being mentioned in class. But I'm not what you'd call the most attentive child, so that's a pretty invalid argument. And the teacher said while rolling her eyes, "We did it a million times in class!" in her horrible accent, when I pointed this out to her. You need to learn how to count, miss. -_-
But then in the end everything turned out okay and I managed PP well.
Excel. I did about 25% of that section. It was kind of pretty much what I'd practiced at home. But the bloody formulae involved did not yield the required results WHATEVER I DID. I tried so many variations of the formula but NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING worked. I swear I tried a hell lot of things considering the time we had left. NOTHING I did would set it right. I swore (exaggeration, obviously. I did not) and left it with the hope that I'd find it somehow miraculously solved when I came back to it.
The third and last accursed program - FrontPage. Those of you who read my previous posts about the exam would know my ancient laptop (bless it) did not hold the gem of FrontPage. And by the looks of it, it had been discontinued by MS Office. I got hold of an MS FrontPage torrent, thanks to N. But it failed to download despite my trying about 7 times. So I'd properly given up hope.
Anyway, in the exam the FrontPage part gave me a heart attack. It was worse than I'd expected, and my expectations were very low to begin with. I had no clue whatsoever. I freaked out completely. I called out in Urdu (out of sheer desperation) to my friend who did know it. She was sitting a good distance away from me, and my call naturally attracted unwanted attention. But I did not give up hope. I pleaded with her to tell me SOMETHING atleast while she was on her way to get her printouts. She hurriedly told me stuff that went over my head. I tried to get started on it. But with the looming end-of-time-limit and my annoying classmate seated beside me (half of whose paper I had done earlier btw), I managed to do about 3% which went completely off-mark I'm sure. But I didn't hand in the paper blank.
And, yes you guessed it, there was no time to go back to Excel and fix it.
There were still about 10 minutes to go and extra time might have been given, but I chose to leave rather than sit in desperation and wait for divine intervention (as the prospect of human help coming was unthinkable under the teacher's watchful eye) that would somehow set everything straight. So with a horrible sickening feeling in my stomach, I gathered my printouts, saved my work, handed it in, cursed ICT under my breath and left the lab.
I went downstairs and met those who'd left earlier. All of them had similar feelings so we consoled each other and the disaster was suddenly forgotten (for the time being) in a couple of laughs. I love my friends at such occasions.
Fast-forward to result day:
When I saw my result sheet, I saw a 79 in ICT. Damn ONE MORE MARK AND I COULD HAVE GOT AN "A". Atleast I didn't fail. But the grudge for the teacher strengthened in me and I resolved to work harder to improve at ICT. I just hope it lasts longer than my new year resolutions.
I got 3% less overall than dear N who came first. Because of dear ICT my % plummeted. She scored a whopping 92% in it and that made all the difference.
Byebye *Insert Furree Katt style heart*
But well that was because of the fact that I had the even horrrible-r Chemistry exam the next day. And after the Chem exam I had sweet wonderful complete freedom for three weeks to come. So I was so caught up in the events that followed that I forgot all about telling you about how my exam went. Haha no I'm not under any delusions that people actually care, but I wanted to do it more for myself than for anyone else =p
Okay enough of the gibberish. I 'll tell you what I did - I screwed up. Worse than I had in yeears. Possibly the worst ever screw-up of my life.
The exam consisted of three sections, Microsoft FrontPage, Excel and PowerPoint. The latter being the easiest, I tackled it first. As I advanced, I found the exam mainly consisted of things I had not ever, ever even heard being mentioned in class. But I'm not what you'd call the most attentive child, so that's a pretty invalid argument. And the teacher said while rolling her eyes, "We did it a million times in class!" in her horrible accent, when I pointed this out to her. You need to learn how to count, miss. -_-
But then in the end everything turned out okay and I managed PP well.
Excel. I did about 25% of that section. It was kind of pretty much what I'd practiced at home. But the bloody formulae involved did not yield the required results WHATEVER I DID. I tried so many variations of the formula but NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING worked. I swear I tried a hell lot of things considering the time we had left. NOTHING I did would set it right. I swore (exaggeration, obviously. I did not) and left it with the hope that I'd find it somehow miraculously solved when I came back to it.
The third and last accursed program - FrontPage. Those of you who read my previous posts about the exam would know my ancient laptop (bless it) did not hold the gem of FrontPage. And by the looks of it, it had been discontinued by MS Office. I got hold of an MS FrontPage torrent, thanks to N. But it failed to download despite my trying about 7 times. So I'd properly given up hope.
Anyway, in the exam the FrontPage part gave me a heart attack. It was worse than I'd expected, and my expectations were very low to begin with. I had no clue whatsoever. I freaked out completely. I called out in Urdu (out of sheer desperation) to my friend who did know it. She was sitting a good distance away from me, and my call naturally attracted unwanted attention. But I did not give up hope. I pleaded with her to tell me SOMETHING atleast while she was on her way to get her printouts. She hurriedly told me stuff that went over my head. I tried to get started on it. But with the looming end-of-time-limit and my annoying classmate seated beside me (half of whose paper I had done earlier btw), I managed to do about 3% which went completely off-mark I'm sure. But I didn't hand in the paper blank.
And, yes you guessed it, there was no time to go back to Excel and fix it.
There were still about 10 minutes to go and extra time might have been given, but I chose to leave rather than sit in desperation and wait for divine intervention (as the prospect of human help coming was unthinkable under the teacher's watchful eye) that would somehow set everything straight. So with a horrible sickening feeling in my stomach, I gathered my printouts, saved my work, handed it in, cursed ICT under my breath and left the lab.
I went downstairs and met those who'd left earlier. All of them had similar feelings so we consoled each other and the disaster was suddenly forgotten (for the time being) in a couple of laughs. I love my friends at such occasions.
Fast-forward to result day:
When I saw my result sheet, I saw a 79 in ICT. Damn ONE MORE MARK AND I COULD HAVE GOT AN "A". Atleast I didn't fail. But the grudge for the teacher strengthened in me and I resolved to work harder to improve at ICT. I just hope it lasts longer than my new year resolutions.
I got 3% less overall than dear N who came first. Because of dear ICT my % plummeted. She scored a whopping 92% in it and that made all the difference.
Byebye *Insert Furree Katt style heart*
Sunday, 2 January 2011
New heights my anger has reached
You make me feel like I'm an exceptionally intelligent person, owing to the stupid silly mistakes you dumbly make. You make me fume, you do. It's not your fault, maybe not. But you make me want to bang my head against a solid concrete wall. WHY do you have to act so bloody DUMB. Why do you act as an insult to your age. If you really are that stupid, at least take the trouble to just make yourself look less stupid. Or do you do this on purpose? Your purpose being - 'to annoy the living hell out of me'? It's not cool, trust me. And ask anyone out there, I'm sure they will agree. It's not cool. Halt, in the name of God, halt.
Okay. Vented out the anger. Feel better. -deep breaths-
On a different note, I'm thinking to delete this blog and start over. New profile and all. Or maybe just a new blog, with the same profile. Or maybe just continue with this blog after a careful cleanup of it. Or maybe a new URL / title for this existing blog.
All these ideas have been continuously running through my mind. I don't want to make a hurried decision and regret it late. It's my blog, after all. And serious business, a blog is.
Oh and btw, my life has started revolving around those little red numbers near the top left of your Facebook page. (Poor description, I know.)
Yes, notifications.
The sad life I lead needs a change, pronto.
Tata. More later.
Okay. Vented out the anger. Feel better. -deep breaths-
On a different note, I'm thinking to delete this blog and start over. New profile and all. Or maybe just a new blog, with the same profile. Or maybe just continue with this blog after a careful cleanup of it. Or maybe a new URL / title for this existing blog.
All these ideas have been continuously running through my mind. I don't want to make a hurried decision and regret it late. It's my blog, after all. And serious business, a blog is.
Oh and btw, my life has started revolving around those little red numbers near the top left of your Facebook page. (Poor description, I know.)
Yes, notifications.
The sad life I lead needs a change, pronto.
Tata. More later.
