My blog.

Is not dead.

Hahaha, yes. I haven't updated in ages.

I know.

But. 

That does not mean it's dead.

Maybe I should stop, because I don't really know what I'm writing. =S

Kher. Ladies and gentlemen, I are back. =D

It's funny how this sounds like I'm addressing  a really big audience. =]

I got another follower, by the way. :D.

Which makes up for the one I lost. ='(

Which means I'm back on 5. =]

Okay, really now. I must end this post, which is getting weirder by the word. =|

B-bye.

=\

Hate is a strong word.

I hate her. I knew all along she wasn't worth it. Today, she confirmed it.
She's the most spoilt child in the history of spoilt children. That's why I kinda mantained a certain distance from her even when we became good friends. She was always like that. Rude, arrogant, too straightforward, didn't care about others' feelings. In other words, hers was a don't-give-a-damn attitude.

I have these disgusting habits of being sensitive, minding every little thing, taking jokes seriously and being a drama queen. According to her, that is. She told me this repeatedly. After every mean thing she said to me. "OMG, you're so sensitive. Har baat dil pe le leti ho." And then she'd talk behind my back, literally, telling her best friend (who's now very, very close to me), "Yar, ye har baat mind kar jati ha." and other bad characteristics I have. (I could hear every word.)

Things changed with the passage of time and we learned to co-exist. Some things never change, though. Every once in a while, she would let out a remark about me, which, you guessed it, was not very polite. I learned to stay quiet (well, almost quiet) and not get into any serious arguments.

Still, I regarded her as a friend. She was nice at times, I have to admit. I thought now, after all these years, she might have changed or the better. I had nothing against her.

How wrong I was. Oh, how wrong.

Few days ago she made my cyber life hell by writing bullshit about me on a friend's photo. A point that has been taken up by two people who insist upon discussing it and refuse to let me hear the end of it. I tried to explain politely, but that didn't work. Even that friend who has posted the photo (which does not include me), asked them to kindly shut up. That made matters worse. Now maybe I should ignore them and their idiotic views they think are very important to be made public.

So, thank you, W, for that. Thanks a lot. I hope insulting a friend and insisting upon what you did was no big deal made your life better, because mine suddenly is a great deal worse now.

I hate you for that.
I know hate is a strong word. That's why I'm using it.

Library blues

Can you believe it?! Only few days ago I was ranting about how badly I needed books. Today, I am in a library with 49,000 books, and I don't KNOW what to read! Gawd.

The staff here is kind of sarra wa. As in very sarra wa. Like they don't want any questions. They look like they're bored out of minds. I have asked few questions, not very cheerfully did they give me (very unhelpful) answers. There are other things bugging me right now. Questions nagging me. I want answers. The library people are not very keen on helping me get them.

Oh, did I mention this library has 49,000 books? No, no. This has a decent number, but nowhere NEAR 49k. Their database has this many. And you don't have access to the database if you're a non-member. But I AM a member. -_-. That's what's bugging me. I want to ask them how to gain access to the database. But no one likes to be treated like scum. That's how they're treating me. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little. Or more, maybe. =P

So, let's suppose I can see their database. The question is:

What do I read?!?!?!

I plan to issue few Nancy Drew books. Harry Potter will take a week. Maybe I should issue past papers ki koi book. Hmm.

Oh, update.

I just asked them about the database. They readily agreed to show me. But I didn't need it just then. I was using this computer, how could I leave it unattended, with my Blogger, Facebook, Hotmail signed in? Still, she told me to sit on the database wala computer. I said that I was using the other one and wanted to continue doing so for half an hour. She was like, "Okay, khalas. No broblem."

Made me feel like a complete loser. -_-

YAAAAY! ^_^

Two reasons to yay:

I have a new cameraaaaa. Just the perfect one for me. 10mp, relatively big LCD, lithium-ion battery, twenty-nine scene modes ( *.* ), anti-shaking mode, face-detection, smile shutter, aaaaaaaand can be sold for more than AED 600. =D *weeps with joy*

Hey, I know it's not the best camera in the whole wide world, and I'm not showing off, but it IS a reason for me to rejoice, after all.

Second, Daddy got the driving licence after 3 long months of  lots of classes and tests. =D. Now it's only a matter of time before our good ol' jeep gets up and running, with us in it. :D :D

That's it, have to get the house in good shape before the guests come barging in. Not an inviting task, I tell you. =|

BACK with yet another RANT. =P

a diary is something in which you can pour your heart out. This blog is supposed to be my online diary. Then why can't I let everything out? Everytime I make a mental note to blog about how I feel, I can never actually make it. I always end up writing the positive stuff; stuff that makes me sound as if everything's okay and as if I'm really enjoying life. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm NOOOOOOOOOT enjoying life. And I want to blog about it. Yes, I really do. So from now on, I'm going to blog regularly about my sad, depressed state. AND my posts are going to be dark and depressing and... bah. I dunno.

i have lost count of how many sessions of wailing and crying and whining i've gone through. i dont know how to get rid of my depression. i dont know how longer i'll have to go thru this. this agonizing period seems to be stretching on for evermore. i want to go. 'there'. 'THAT' place. i know a change of evironment will help. oh but i'm not entitled to it, am i? hmm. NOT. sometimes my depression is overpowered by anger and frustration. one second i'm ok, the next, i've flown into a rage. i cant sleep at night. so i keep staring at the ceiling, with my head thinking furiously...

"HELLO, this is NOT the way you look at things. if you don't have something you want, QUIT whining, for God's sake. turn towards your CREATOR, the Almighty God. knock, and it will be open to you. but you can't BOTHER to knock at His door, can you? then YOU are to blame. just STOP complaining and blaming and lamenting over your bad luck, FIND a way out. face it; this is going to be how it is... until you choose to change it. you CAN, if you want. yes."

this is just a fraction of what my conscience screams to me at night. and i am ashamed to admit that in the morning, everything's back to how it was and i again commence my usual ritual of whining, complaining, blaming, cursing my luck and so forth.

i think of matilda. though she is completely the product of roald dahl's imagination, i still idolize her. she is an inspiration for me. lets see. she was what, five maybe, when she hopped off to the library, all by herself, and studied EVERYTHING! on her OWN! God... geometry, literature, science, general knowledge, the little girl knew it all. and how could i forget, she had her own family strictly against her. then i compare her to yours truly... the result's not a big surprise. i'm almost triple matilda's age, and i still can't summon the courage to make a simple phone call to the nearest library and ask what i need to, let alone GOING there. D:

then i think of susan boyle... she was just an unknown, unimportant spinster who lived with her cat in the suburbs of Scotland (right?)... and then she opened her mouth in Britain's Got Talent, and turned into a megastar overnight. now her sales are rocketing high and she has the record of the highest debut album sales in the history of Britain. she needed a breakthrough, she saw it, she availed it... and now look where she is.
i dream of such success too. that is so foolish of me, i know. you dont achieve success only by dreaming, you have to work towards it. only if i get some inspiration enough to set me alight, and only if i get rid of my LAZINESS, maybe i could also be there someday. LOL. ^_^ (no, i havent lost it. LOL again)

so, to sum up... hell, i dunno what to say. :S

anyway, this post i wrote only to let everything bottling up inside me out. i am very well aware of the fact that it doesnt make much sense, if any at all. and yes, the grammar and punctuation is this way because i dont bother about these things when i'm writing to soothe myself.

one last thing... i just went through this post.. it makes me scared to think how you might perceive me after reading it. D: D:

do I even need to post it?

GOOOOOD im sooooooooooo confuseddddd D: D:

I dunno what to name this =/

This is a completely pointless update. Will make no sense.

2010 has had a crappy start. I haven't even started to fulfil my 'resolutions'. I hope against hope this year'll be better than its predecessor.

There's nothing much to do. Oh well, there's a LOT to do. But nothing I'd like to do.

I ate Galaxy last night. I want to eat more.

I want to eat crispy, yummy, not-too-cold-not-too-hot chips. I'm... I'm addicted to them. No one else at home likes them as much as I do. I can't for the life of me imagine why. French fries are my life. <3. I shudder to think what would happen to me if there ever is a shortage of potatoes. *gulps*. I also wonder why the things you like so much tend to make you fat. Why, oh why. =(

I want to go somewhere with my family. To some place where we would be free of all the tension, the pressure... like a vacation. We all really, really need that break. I wonder when this will happen. If it'll happen, that is.

I need (yes, not 'want') BOOKS. LOTS of NEW, UNREAD material. My system will come to a halt if I deprive myself any longer of books. Hey, I can't function without books. I know I'm too weird.

January is almost over. Wonder what February will bring.

I have a new follower. o.O. YAY! =D. Thanks to The Me.

Hmm. Enough ranting.
B-bye.

I just read what I've written. OMG. =\

2010. Hmm.

I know this post's a bit outdated; the new year started like, ten days ago. But still...

Roald Dahl always seems to have something interesting to say about every topic. Here's something he said about the new year:

“For the last twelve months we have all been living in one year and now all of a sudden it is another. It is extraordinary how this tremendous change takes place in the space of a fraction of a second. As the clock approaches midnight on the thirty-first of December you are still in the old year, but then all at once, one millionth of a second after midnight, you are in the new. I have always found this sudden change from one year to another awfully hard to get used to, and all through the new January that follows I keep writing down the old year instead of the new one on letters and cheques and other bits of paper.”

Lol. "....this tremendous change in the space of a fraction of a second." Personally, I have never felt any 'change' at the beginning of a year. Everything but the date remains the very same (doesn't it? =S). Well, enough of my personal views.

Making resolutions is now, I think, an indispensable part of new year celebrations. Though I have been failing spec-tacularly at keeping my new year promises and pledges for the last two-three years, I'd still like to make new promises and share with you what I have in mind for this set of twelve months. Read on:

• Pay utmost attention to my studies.
  
• Enhance my level of patience.
• Brush up skills in web-site development and graphic designing and get hold of Photoshop. =D
  
• Be more obedient. (:$)
• Workout REGULARLY. Emphasis on regularly. Double emphasis... 'cause I'll turn into one fat cow if I don't control what I eat and not workout. *shudders*
• Control the time I spend on this highly addictive thing called the internet.
• Read every Nancy Drew book available.
• Actually use my Facebook account. 
• This last one is more of a wish, but... *Ireally,reallywannabecomeanMCP*. I know I'll have to work really hard for that... =(

Enough of the resolutions now... I'll share what 2009 has been for me. Have a look:

• Jan: My dad left us to work in Dubai. I missed him like hell, but sure had a lot of fun. =D
• Feb-March:  Nothing much happened. Or at least I don't remember anything important happening.
• April: Left my beloved school, family, country to go to a whole new world - Dubai, United Arab Emirates. I was very scared first, but the feeling has worn off, and I have now come to love the city.
• May: Explored Dubai, learned about the culture, and had the time of my life. =D
• June: MJ died... I'm writing this in this list cause I don't remember anything important happening, thanks to my lousy memory. Everything had started to look dull and boring. No sight-seeing; we stayed holed up at home because of the ex-tremely hot temperatures... 
• July: Bought my very own digital camera using the savings of my lifetime. =D. Went to the beach first time as well. 
• Aug-Sept: Travelled by metro the first time in my life, and visited a little more of Dubai. Explored the internet and its benefits because I didn't have a lot to do except sit in front of this machine and stress my eyes. Learned a great deal though, I must say.
  
• Oct: Seriously started studying online - a completely new experience.
• Nov: Started My Pensieve and discovered the pleasures of blogging. =D
• Dec: Uh... don't have any account of anything interesting happening. 
  

Woah... a long post this one is! I know I will think of something I should have written but didn't write... but I can't think any longer. It is now well past bed time, so gtg. 

Ta-ta.